A Snack from the Lair

Ever wondered what dragons eat when they’re not devouring knights or hoarding Disney sequel earnings? Turns out, it’s olives. Specifically Giuliano’s Dragon Tails, elegant little green orbs swimming with Turkish red peppers.

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These spicy, briny beauties are ideal for martinis, cheese boards, or accidentally starting a fantasy novel trilogy. They combine the clean fruitiness of an olive with just enough heat to make you question your own lineage. Fun fact: Turkish red peppers are technically milder than a jalapeño, but somehow feel hotter when they’re inside an olive, as if trapped emotions make them angrier.

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Serve them at your next party and whisper, “Yes, they were plucked from the tail of an actual dragon.” Nobody will believe you, but they’ll nod respectfully, because your friends only put up with your BS on account of your awesome taste in snack foods.

A Taste of the Afterlife

Now that we’ve awakened the dragon, let’s make like a reverse-Ozzy-bat and head straight into hell. You’ll know you’ve arrived when your sinuses file for workers’ comp. Start with Mrs. Renfro’s Ghost Pepper Salsa, made in Fort Worth, Texas — a place so hot the peppers just give up and become ghosts (literally). The ghost pepper, or Bhut Jolokia, once held the record for the world’s hottest chili, which is impressive until you realize there are humans who voluntarily eat it and then post about it on Reddit.

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Next up: Famous Dave’s Devil’s Spit BBQ Sauce, which sounds like an HR violation but is actually a bottle of smoky, tangy, infernal perfection. It’s “straight from Hell’s kitchen,” according to the label, though possibly just Minnesota. (Same thing?) Brush it on ribs, burgers, or whatever remains of your self-esteem after the salsa.

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Together, these sauces form a one-two punch of spectral torment. You’ll sweat, cry, and briefly meet your ancestors. They’ll ask why you didn’t bring tortilla chips.

The Fizzy Resurrection

Congratulations! You survived hellfire and are now ready for rebirth… via soda. Meet De La Calle’s Día de los Muertos Tepache, a lightly-fermented, spiced pineapple drink that tastes like your soul getting CPR from a mariachi band.

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Tepache dates back to pre-Columbian Mexico, when it was brewed from corn and fruit scraps. This modern version is pineapple-based, fizzy, tangy, and spiritually cleansing. Like kombucha, if kombucha had rhythm and a social life. Día de los Muertos edition even features celebratory skeletons on the can, reminding you that there is still beauty in death, despite what your long-forgotten freezer drawer says.