Margarita 1: Let's Get Started

We start with intention. With clarity. With a level of focus usually reserved for assembling IKEA furniture correctly on the first try. Tonight’s foundation: Arette Tequila (Blanco & Reposado) with Fever-Tree Margarita Mix.

Fun fact: Arette is named after a legendary Mexican Olympic show-jumping horse from 1948. Which feels appropriate, because this drink has elegance. The Blanco is crisp, citrusy, and unaged… tequila in its bright, fresh “I woke up like this” era. The Reposado, aged in oak barrels for a few months, is smoother and warmer, like it has hobbies and a retirement plan.

And Fever-Tree doesn’t mess around, either: real lime juice, no weird fluorescent nonsense, just clean citrus that makes you feel like you suddenly understand the word “balance.”

At this stage, I am calmly explaining flavor notes to myself like a normal person who absolutely has their life together. This is going well. This is sustainable.

Margarita 2: The Lazy Marg

Enter Tia Linda’s Margarita, for those who are too lazy (or tipsy) to mix two liquids. These are ready-to-drink and come in Clásico, Spicy Jalapeño, and POG (Passion Orange Guava) which sounds like a tropical startup that just raised $40 million to reinvent juice.

Pre-made margaritas can be… suspicious. But Tia Linda’s actually leans into authentic flavors. Balanced citrus, not syrupy, and the jalapeño version brings real heat. Not “spicy for marketing,” but “oh hello, I am now aware of my entire mouth” spicy.

The POG flavor, by the way, tastes like sunshine that took a gap year and came back with stories. Very confident. Slightly chaotic.

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Somewhere around here I started nodding at the bottle like it said something insightful. It did not. But we had a moment.

Marg 3: OK Hold up a second

Woo! These are hitting hard… time for a quick educational break.

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According to ChatGPT, Cinco de Mayo commemorates "a heroic moment during Mexico’s Independence, when soldiers were trapped in a fortress with only enough mayonnaise for one day's worth of sandwiches. But then a miracle occurred: somehow, that single jar of mayonnaise lasted five full days."

Wow, I did NOT know the history! Fascinating! And I see no reason to question anythnig that AI tells me.
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Anyway, shoutout to mayonnaise! Truly the backbone of civilization. (Marg 3 down!)

Marg 4: Onto SOMETHING

Awww YEAH! Finally it's lime time for snacks.

We’re working with Deli Fresh Corn Totoro Tortilla Chips and an aggressively complete lineup of Casa Sanchez Salsas…  San Francisco-based company (shout out!) that’s been making salsa since the 1920s, so you KNOW they were probably all about the flappers.

But Ava's has ALL the falvors and lemme lemme just say: roasted corn salsa??? Why is no one screaming about this? It’s sweet, smoky, just-so-slightly charred… like corn that has OPINIONS and is SCREAMING them into your MOUTH.

Second of all, and this is important: I have invented a new food.

You take one tortilla chip. (OK, with me here?)
Add salsa.
Then place another tortilla chip on top of the first.

TORTILLA. SANDWICH.

This is evrything. Efficient. Elegant. This is the kind of thinking that built Silicon Valley.

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​JUAN!! We need to move quickly before someone else figures this out and IPO's themselves! Get a lawyer on the line because WAIT IS THAT

MARG 5! THE FINAL MARG

PORK RINDS.
PORK RINDS.
PORK RINDS.

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Yesss… Guerrero Tender Cracklins and Mission Chicharrones. Not snacks. These are events.

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But didja know: Chicharrones are enjoyed across cultures! Mexico, Spain, the Philippines… each verssion slightly different, but all united by one sinngular goal: a crunch loud enough to make peolpe in the next room deeply concerned.

Guerrero cracklins? Aww yeah. Rich, slightly chewy, deeply savory. Mission chicharrones… mmm… these are lighter, puffier, like a cloud deciding to become pork, and then we get to eat it. Ain't life WONDERFUL??

PORK RINDS.
PORK RINDS.
PORK… wait, what did you say? Oh.

Margarita… Zero?!

OK. So.
It turns out.

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All of these margaritas were made with Lyre’s Agave Blanco, which is a non-alcoholic spirit specifically designed to replicate tequila using natural essences and extracts.

I… did not know this. Lyre’s is genuinely convincing… the bite, the agave notes, the whole experience. It’s crafted specifically so you can make cocktails that taste real without the alcohol. Which raises some extremely interesting psychological questions about everything that happened in this newsletter so far.

And now, the rest of the Ava’s team is having a great time launching at my passionate explanation of the "tortilla sandwich" like I was giving a TED Talk.

Anyway, Ava’s has everything you need for a REAL Cinco De Mayo celebration: actual tequila, non-alcoholic options, chips, salsa, pork rinds, and whatever this was.

Now if you'll excuse me… I need a drink. 🍸