Juan Needs to Pre-Pre-Pre-Order Your Turkey

It is July. Your beach towel is still damp. Somewhere in your home, a sandal is missing. Juan needs to know what you are doing for Thanksgiving.

This is how the American food supply chain works: Juan asks you, then Juan asks someone else, who asks a farmer, who consults several thousand turkeys and a calendar. Everybody needs a number before your family has managed to answer the group text.

If you expect to want a turkey from Ava’s this Thanksgiving, especially an organic one, please let Juan know in the store, give Ava’s a call, or reply to this newsletter. He needs an estimate so he can pre-pre-order the birds that you will later pre-order. By November, the word “order” will have shed all meaning.

We understand that July feels early for this decision. Perhaps you are planning the traditional American meal with turkey, stuffing, potatoes, rolls, pie, and one green vegetable placed on the table as a formality. Perhaps 2026 has already been another advanced seminar in “I Can’t Even”, and you will order a delivery pizza while everyone eats directly from the box in formalwear.

Kick Carbs to the Crabs

Look, some of us are not running marathons, mountain biking at sunrise, or doing whatever people in Los Altos do with weighted vests. Carrying three grocery bags from Ava’s to the car already felt like Zone 4 cardio.

This is where cauliflower rice becomes extremely useful. Ava’s now has Earthbound Farm Organic Riced Cauliflower in the back aisle refrigerators because customers kept asking for it, and the customers were right.

Chopped into rice-sized pieces, cauliflower cooks quickly, keeps a gentle bite, and its mild flavor settles into the rest of dinner instead of turning every bowl into a cruciferous rebel yell.

Cauliflower rice cannot perform miracles… don’t try for risotto. The trick is to remember that cauliflower already contains plenty of water. Use a wide, hot skillet with a little oil, do not add more water, and cook only until tender with a few browned edges.

You might think like my friend Joe, who says it “tastes like sadness.” While Joe is very smart, he is also very, very wrong. Underneath curry, inside a taco bowl, mixed with eggs, or fried with garlic and scallions, cauliflower rice is excellent: light, savory, fast, and already chopped by someone else, which is truly the best part.

The White Waterfall

Shirataki noodles are an old answer to a question Americans only recently began asking at the nutrition panel.

They come from konjac, a tuber that traveled from China to Japan many centuries ago. It began as a medicinal and ceremonial food in Japan, then became ordinary food as cultivation and processing improved.

To make konnyaku, the tuber is processed into powder, mixed with water and an alkaline setting ingredient, formed into a firm gel, then sent through rows of small holes into hot water. This creates the long pale strands called shirataki, or “white waterfall.” What a beautiful name for something sold beside the tofu in an eight-ounce plastic bag.

Shirataki is mostly water and fiber… that’s why it contains almost no calories (or carbs!). This provides a tremendous amount of fork-twirling for the numerical equivalent of licking a postage stamp.

The texture is smooth and springy rather than wheat-pasta tender. Rinse the noodles thoroughly, drain them well, then heat them briefly in a dry skillet to drive off the surface water before adding sauce. They are especially good with bold flavors: sesame, chile, garlic, ginger, pesto, tomato, curry, or anything else capable of making its presence known from the next room.

Shirataki does not need to impersonate spaghetti perfectly. It provides the twirl, the slurp, and the delivery system for sauce, then leaves you enough calories to savor that espresso martini dessert guilt-free.

How To Eat Them: A Tutorial

These are easy weeknight ideas. Use the amounts your refrigerator (and stomach) permit.

• Half-and-half rice: Carb curious? Mix cooked cauliflower rice with regular rice. You still get the familiar flavor and texture, plus more vegetables and less calories. And it technically gets its own Pride flag.
• Cauliflower rice taco bowls: Add seasoned beans, chicken, beef, or tofu, then pile on salsa, avocado, cheese, lime, and anything else that you find on your shirt after eating a burrito.
• Cauliflower rice with curry: Brown the cauliflower rice lightly and spoon your favorite curry over it. The sauce does the heavy work; the cauliflower keeps the bowl from requiring a recovery period.
• Sesame shirataki noodles: Rinse, drain, and dry the noodles in a skillet. Toss with sesame or peanut sauce, cucumber, scallions, and chile oil. Quick, easy, asian, and NOT Panda Express.
• Shirataki with pesto or tomato sauce: Use the angel hair, spaghetti, or fettuccine shape, warm it in a dry pan, and add a thick sauce that will cling well. Add parm. Sing about losing your poor meatball.
• Shirataki rice bowls: Use Miracle Rice with sautéed vegetables, salmon, chicken, tofu, or a fried egg. Finish with a sauce you would happily drink from the bottle while standing in front of the open refrigerator.

You can eat regular rice tomorrow. Tonight, perhaps cauliflower or shirataki handles the bowl base. Because we’re not saying cauliflower is the new Ozempic, but… maybe shirataki noodles are?